 | | The opening shot goes on and on and on (and on). Pretty spectacular stuff that really plays to ILM's strengths |
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Much like Anakin and his alter ego Darth Vader, Revenge of the Sith is a film of two distinct personalities. On the one hand it's awkward, stilted and wooden, on the other it's spectacular, epic and captivating. You gotta hand it to George Lucas, that's one crazy talent he's got; simultaneously terrible yet mind-blowingly awesome.
It would be pointless to sit here and give you guys a full review though. Not only have you already seen it I'm sure, but Star Wars films are an anomaly no single person ever agrees on. For everything I have to say about it, your opinion will most likely differ hugely. As a long time fan of the saga though, what I can do is simply scribble down some of my random thoughts and emotions after having seen the last Star Wars movie we'll ever get...
Needless to say, every inch of the flick will be unveiled below, so if you've yet to catch the film, look away now. You won't be warned again, master Jedi.
 | | Obi-Wan versus Grievous is completely crazy, and unlike any fight you've ever seen before, Star Wars or not |
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Personally, in an attempt to keep myself as unspoiled as possible I did my very best to avoid as much Episode III material as I could over the past three years. Unfortunately for a Star Wars addict who uses the internet daily, this is much harder than it sounds. Endless set reports, spy photos, leaked scripts, early reviews and stolen footage turn up daily, and it's been my own internal tussle with the dark side just avoiding it all. And that's not counting the video game, the illustrated screenplay and the soundtrack CD which LucasFilm bloody well released themselves.
That's all a little bothersome, as for someone trying to go out of his way to avoid this shit, it somehow has a habit of magnetically tracking you down. Having finally seen the flick, I can unhappily say that watching these movies unspoilt is how they
need to be seen though, and if I could go back in time, I'd do a much better job of it. That'd include not even watching the trailers, which spunk out a few of the very best images without the benefit of context, thus robbing them of the pleasure you feel in seeing them in their entirety.
Summer of Star Wars
 | | The lads put months of practice into the final battle and it shows |
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I do saviour the release of these movies though. Putting aside your thoughts on the prequels themselves, there's no denying the buzz surrounding each of their opening days has been an experience in and of itself. I love flicking through channels and seeing the trailer for a brand new Star Wars movie, cruising the supermarket and seeing Vader's phallic dome plastered all over Rice Crispy boxes and best of all seeing Leicester Square filled to the brim with thousands upon thousands of Star Wars fans queuing up for cinema marathons. Some call it shameless marketing and fan obsession, but I call it excitement. And I love every minute of it.
We're talking an all too rare simultaneous world wide event. One that the young and the old all around the world experience together. Where grown men can actually get away with standing in line dressed up as Wookies. Does anyone do that for any other movie, or more to the point, its 5th sequel?
These past three Star Wars summers have been a wonderful event for long-time fans...those of us who haven't felt this way since we were kids. Now that it's all finally coming to an end, I'm sad to think we'll never have another one like it.
Phantom Memories
Let's be honest though, while there's excitement and awe literally filling the streets, there's also trepidation and nervousness this time around. Many weren't impressed with Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones after all, and even though I dug 'em myself, I'll happily admit they're far from perfect flicks.
 | | The opening rematch between Anakin and Count Dooku. Dooku could certainly use a hand(s) |
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This is George Lucas' last chance to redeem himself, some might say. There will be no episodes 7, 8 and 9, hence everything rests on Sith's shoulders. Lucas is blazing down the Death Star trench in his X-Wing - photon torpedoes at the ready - but can he make that all too impossible one-in-a-million shot? With this film not only must he bridge the gap between the new films and the originals, but also give some worth to the two preceding disappointments and provide an entertaining flick in its own right.
Luckily for us, I'd say he succeeded.
Sure, this is still a prequel movie at the end of the day, with that same over-reliance on blue screen technology and the good old lame arse dialogue in full effect, but when it counts, the film really steps up. The action is awesome, the sights are wondrous, and best of all, the story is extremely captivating. It also has some real fucking balls this time out too, and the film doesn't shy away from showing what it must, gruesome or not.
Things I Loved
 | | Yoda's always been a fave character of mine. His sad fate is sealed in Revenge of the Sith |
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First things first, I can't stress how damn cool I found Yoda in this flick. The choice to make him a completely CGI character in Attack of the Clones may have given many yet another reason to bitch at Lucas' obsession with digital technology, but to me the digital Yoda is by far the best incarnation of the entire saga. Not only due to the physical craziness he can now pull off, but his digitally assisted acting is great too (particularly a certain reaction shot to being called "my little green friend"). It says a lot when a computer generated character is the best performer in the movie, mind you.
Many of the flick's reservoir of cool moments involve him in some way. Whether it be calmly slamming Imperial guards against the wall, or sensing the imposing threat of the Clone Troopers before lopping their heads clean off, Yoda dominates the movie for me.
 | | Best. Fight. Ever |
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Many have known for years that Obi-Wan would be facing down Anakin in the climax of the prequels, but how wonderful is it to then intercut that with Yoda squaring off against The Emperor? For me that's the true battle of the movie - never mind Obi-Wan and Vader, merely henchmen, they are - the real face off between good and evil is fought in that senate chamber, and I rank it up there as one of the highlights of all six flicks. The fastest lightsaber duelling, the most epic of sets, the greatest music - what a battle. And man, how vicious does it get? That little green guy gets flung all over the place.
The entire last half of the movie has a depressing feel to it, but perhaps the saddest moment is seeing Yoda reduced from bad arse Jedi warrior, to crawling on his hands and knees through an air vent in retreat, symbolically sans Jedi robes, no less.
As for Obi-Wan and Vader's duel, it similarly rocks. It's fast, it's tense, it goes from the highest peak down to the depths of hell, and it ends the only way it can. There's an amazing sense of foreboding leading up to this showdown - you know what's gotta happen, but part of you doesn't want it to. You're torn.
 | | Hayden's acting, although hardly perfect, is much improved over his turn in Attack of the Clones |
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A big part of that is down to the way Anakin is handled in this movie, and I think his turn to the dark side is surprisingly cool in fact. His motivations aren't of the traditional one dimensional on-screen villain variety, instead being driven purely by love and the need to save his family. In fact everything he does up until the very end are, from his own twisted viewpoint, for good. He somehow still comes off as a decent person, and that's tricky to do, when he's slaughtering baby Jedi.
It must be said, despite many blunders, Hayden Christensen gives a much better performance in this movie. The guy can be a fine actor when given the chance, as anyone who's seen Shattered Glass can attest to, but it is a shame to still see him pulling off a performance significantly lower than what we know he's capable of.
Still, much like the movie itself, when it's time to deliver where it truly counts, he rises to the occasion. His final line to Obi-Wan - a vengeful "I HATE YOU!" while sliding down to his fiery doom as little more than a torso - is nigh on perfect.
It Will Be Done, My Lord
Another stand-out moment that will have everyone talking about for a long, long time is the Jedi Purge. Seeing Palpatine execute "Order 66" is the most powerful moment of the flick, and I must admit a part of me was caught me off guard by the resulting sequence.
 | | Come on you fuckers, try and convince me he's not the most bad arse screen villain of all time |
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You might question how worthless Stormtroopers could ever defeat Jedi, but it works so perfectly because they never see it coming. Crushing droid armies on the battleground while saving the galaxy from evil, they never for one moment suspect their true enemy could be standing right behind them the entire time. They're stabbed in the back - quite literally - without any chance to defend themselves.
A big part of this sequence's brilliance is the music of John Williams. His work in Sith is some of the best of all six movies. Every major theme from the saga shows up at the perfect time, and when Duel of the Fates kicked in during the climax, I had the adrenaline rush of my life. The major new addition - Battle of the Heroes - flat-out rocks, as does the saddening music of the Jedi Purge, in stark contrast to the dark deeds taking place on screen.
Which leads me onto the violence. This film doesn't really hold much back for what is essentially still a kid's franchise. Heads and limbs are lost regularly, and although it comes near the very end, the immolation scene officially marks the point where Star Wars rids itself of childhood shackles and aims itself squarely at the eyes of adults. The medical droids working on a broken Anakin and the subsequent birth of Vader amid his howls of pain are sure to give the average kid nightmares for weeks.
Other Stuff I Love
One thing I absolutely, totally 100% adore is the fact that 3P0 gets his memory erased at the end of the flick...but in a stroke of genius, R2 doesn't! I can't wait to watch the original trilogy again now, knowing full well that that little walking dustbin knows exactly what the fuck is going on at all times, even when Luke doesn't. It adds a whole new dimension to his obsession with tracking down Obi-Wan on Tatooine and their subsequent reunion.
 | | A sight straight out of the original trilogy if ever there was one |
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There are shots in this flick, particularly towards the end, that look like they were pulled directly out of the original trilogy. It really does bridge the gap nicely. That said, I think this film also improves the last two in some ways.
No, it doesn't erase Jar Jar Binks, and it doesn't replace Jake Lloyd with that kid from The Sixth Sense, but it does give the previous movies more substance. All the groan some talk of politics, separatists and chancellors was all there for a reason; it culminates in the birth of the Empire. And it's beautiful to see that pay off at last.
In particular, there's a wonderful exchange that takes place at the opera house early on in the film that arguably links up to Episode I perfectly. Palpatine appears to be telling Anakin an old Sith tale, but if you read between the lines it can quite easily be interpreted as something else indeed.
Is Darth Plagueis Palpatine's former master? Was this ability to create Jedi out of nothing a skill he was taught himself? Is Palpatine in fact responsible for Anakin's birth? You can really interpret this whole exchange in a multitude of ways - anything from a major plot revelation to just a simple story - but it's a surprising moment of depth and ambiguity in a film that for the most part is all action and little substance.
Things I Hate
It's a shame then, that after such a wondrous scene like this, and other iconic moments of pure bliss such as The Duel, to then hear a line so utterly hideous as, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground". What the hell? How can a film be so god damn fucking awesome yet so glaringly embarrassing?
That all said, whereas Menace had the diabolical Jar Jar constantly crapping on any scene he touched, and Clones had the bloated romance sub-plot weighing it down, Sith doesn't really have an albatross of its own. Negatives in this film are more to do with specific moments and lines, than any kind of easy to pin down chronic annoyance. That's a good thing, as despite these occasional plummets in quality, the rest is really rather good.
 | | Natalie embarrasses her way through one of the most important scenes. What happened to that little girl from Leon? |
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If anything, its biggest problem is the unholy mixture of terrible dialogue and poor acting. Even though Hayden raises his game this time out, he still doesn't come out of this thing squeaky clean. He does however, completely upstage Natalie Portman in every single scene they share, who just flat out stinks.
There's no denying Natalie's hot, but it's a shame the performance isn't there to back it up. In particular I'm thinking about a pivotal scene towards the end where she arrives on Mustafar and the Anakin/Padme relationship comes to a head. It's a crucial moment, and there's no two ways about it; it's a complete fumble on her part that almost derails the third act. Natalie looks
amazing in the movie - this coming from someone who's never really been a fan - but sadly she doesn't sound it.
Similarly I never really dug General Grievous either. On paper he has all he trademarks of a classic Star Wars villain - a half droid Jedi killer - but the decision to animate him like someone with Parkinson's coupled with
the worst voice acting heard since...well, those Trade Federation cocks standing next to him, result in a pantomime character that doesn't really serve any purpose. That is, up until his mind-blowingly kick arse battle against Obi-Wan, which somewhat redeems him. Still, the cartoony animation and whack performance results in more of a Jar Jar than a Darth Maul, and it's a pity considering the potential this guy had.
 | | Grievous' annoying coughing fits are explained in the Clone Wars series for those who missed it |
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For what it's worth, a more bad arse Grievous can be seen in the recent Clone Wars cartoon. The run of five episodes that aired prior to Sith's release cover the General's abduction of Palpatine, and lead directly into the movie, the entire time displaying Grievous as a supreme killing machine. It also explains why he appears to be suffering from advanced stages of lung cancer, as he's essentially injured by Mace Windu right before the movie begins.
Grievous' bodyguards on the other hand, flat out rock. These guys, to me, completely show up the General himself. I wish there'd been more of 'em, although their brief tussle with Obi and Anakin at the start was another fave moment.
Some of the CGI looks a bit rushed in this flick, and Grievous is a good example of that, yet other parts are easily some of the best computer assisted special effects ever seen. While I have no real prob with CGI, and actually quite enjoy it when done right, the problem with the prequels on a whole is more a matter of quantity than anything else. With an effect in every single shot, it was always gonna be impossible for each and every one to hit the mark, and the result a constant seesawing of hit or miss.
 | | Ewan puts in a worthy performance as old Ben that possibly even deepens the original trilogy |
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Still, between the epic space battle that kicks off the movie and the stunning vistas of Coruscant to Kashyyyk, one could never say this is a bad looking movie. It's just those occasional sloppy FX shots that let it down.
Possibly the lowest point of the flick for me though is the battle preceding Palpatine's face melting. It's a shame that among five or six awesome saber fights, the one that let's 'em down is Palp versus Mace; one of the most important of the lot. For starters it's half the speed and lacks the finesse of the rest, but the performances are what particularly grate.
A pity really, as this showdown marks a major turning point in the flick for the bad guys, and is one area where it doesn't deliver when it really, really needs to. Palpatine's "change" is potentially one of the coolest moments...and it almost works. It just seems to go on way too long, and feels incredibly forced, pardon the pun.
Additional Wackness
 | | Noooooooooooooooooooo! |
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On the whole, the film still can't quite find the right tone between operatic sci-fi and comic book cheese. The humour feels way out of place and completely unfunny. There's no Jar Jar tripping over his cock, but there's way too many cutesy droid punch lines that simply fall flat.
The droid voices ruined a good part of the movie's intro for me in fact. They were great in Phantom Menace - coming off as Daft Punk in space - but are simply heinous here. I honestly cringed at every single line.
Then there's the awakening of Vader, which had all the hallmarks of a great cinematic moment right up until the comedic, "Noooooooooo!" he blurts out in anger. Such a comic line has been mocked in everything from The Simpsons to Anchorman over the years, I'm genuinely shocked someone in this day and age would use it seriously. It's delivered with all the conviction of McBaine.
Lastly though, my biggest gripe is just the fact it's all over. It somewhat brings a tear to the eye.
Goodbye Childhood
There are no real surprises in this flick, everything pretty much went down how I expected. I can't complain about this either - I think inside we've all known this story in our heads since we were eight years old, so seeing it up on the big screen was a magical experience, for all its flaws.
I grew up obsessed with these movies. Any vague and distant blurs of memory I have from my early years are all surrounded in Star Wars toys, bed covers and immortal images of film embedded into my brain. In fact, I can honestly say my earliest living memory is of sitting all alone on the living room floor at my grandparents house, watching Empire Strikes Back on video.
 | | A wonderful wordless sequence in which Anakin contemplates his destiny. Perhaps the whole film should have been silent |
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What my parents were doing leaving this near-foetus all on his own is anyone's guess, but any urge to swallow LEGO blocks or climb out of windows were dispelled from my mind as I sat in awe at that TV screen. Watching Luke's hand get sliced off before choosing death over joining his father, not only scared the crap outta me (literally), but struck a powerful chord too. 20 years on and I still remember that moment exactly. Can I say that about any other film? Fuck, can I say that about anything, at all? Even long lost relatives who I still miss dearly didn't make such an impression on my memory as a child.
I subsequently grew up playing with Star Wars figures, buying all the videos and more recently, nabbing all the games. Now that the final piece of the puzzle is complete and finished, I can kinda move on from that.
Don't get me wrong, I'll forever be a Star Wars freak. It's just that my whole life there's been a small part of me that refused to grow up. A part of me that's been waiting 23 years for this film. A part that I've lost now that it's all over. That's a little heart breaking.
For those similarly caught with a lump in their throat, I present to you
this wonderful link via Ain't it Cool News. It's a collection of articles and reviews from the very start of production on the prequel movies right up to today. Covering a time span of over nine years, it includes everything from the first announcement of Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan, to Harry Knowles super secret early Attack of the Clones screening, and certainly makes for a nice geeky trip down memory lane.
As for Revenge of the Sith, it's the film made for that very same geek within us all. Critics and miserable bastards who are so far disconnected with their childhood will mock the appalling acting, the over the top effects and the lack of apparent depth.
But that's every Star Wars flick ever made for ya folks, and while the haters may scowl and mock in their bitterness, I'll be resting content that while Star Wars has been and gone, it's a ride that I took and loved every grand moment of. So long Star Wars, it's been fun...
...ummm, now how about that TV series?
