The TPS Report - Games, Beats 'n' Blogs

This Week's Ep of The Osbournes Blew Me Away!
Posted by Diggler - 9/2/2005 2:42

Give me a council flat in Brixton any day of the week

I've gotta say, reality TV in general is a pet peeve of mine. Over the past few years I've watched some of the very best shows on TV get cancelled in place of the latest (and much cheaper) reality TV "sensation". Futurama, Wonderfalls, Firefly, Family Guy...so many works of genius shit-canned in favour of the next Big Brother, and its endless abominate clones.

As far as all the modern day networks are concerned, reality TV is a sure fire way of bringing in the numbers you see - easy money that's ripe for the plucking - while more expensive and traditional TV shows (ya know, ones with a story) are considered much more of a gamble. For that reason, we're now plagued with this never ending shit-stream of ridiculous and tiresome reality concepts; D-list celebrities trapped in a house together for a month, stranded lovers eating worm shit for money on a deserted island, plus anything and everything in-between.

And yet the masses gobble it all up each time, brain cells diminishing by the truck-load with every "barmy" new show that the suits conjure up. Seriously, do they have some kinda random show generator that thinks up each one?

The Chosen One

Wah wah wah! Give me more money! Wah wah wah! Etc.

The Osbournes however, is the exception to the rule; as reality TV, it simply surpasses everything else out there by the breadth of a planet. It's a simple idea - a camera crew filming a famous celeb and his family 24 hours a day - yet it works perfectly.

Part of it's down to sheer shock value. I mean where else can you see the family dog analy raping a cat, or good buddy Elijah Wood popping in for a visit then ending up cleaning faeces off the living room sofa?

Then there's the amazing camera and editing work, not only capturing absolute gold on film, but then cramming epic amounts of laughs into its all-too short episodes with at least ten punch-lines per minute.

How does one so fat score so often?

Most of all though, it's just down to the actual family members, and to be honest with any other family the show would be a shadow of its true self.

Every single one of them is such a bizarre creation, whether it be the obsessive mother, the spoiled brats or the brain-fried shell of a dad, and as a result it's one of the best family sit-coms of all-time. There's seldom an episode that doesn't have me either howling with laughter, cowering my face in embarrassment, or as is most commonly the case, a satisfying mixture of both.

My primary reason for tuning in each week is simply to see what retarded and off-the-wall nonsense Ozzy can spew out of his mouth, and in that regard it continues to succeed even four years into its run, but I think with this week's new installment which just broadcast in the US, the show rose to a surprising new level that I'd never really expected it to.

Ozmosis

Here's the setting; Mum of the house Sharon (aka she who wears the trousers) is lounging around in bed all day, son Jack's similarly bored off his arse, and Ozzy...well, he's simply being Ozzy.

Daughter Kelly however, is where all the action's at. Fresh off scoring her first big acting break last week, she's done herself up like a dog's dinner. Ugly tattoos, major bling, a ridiculous new haircut, with a horrendous lip-piercing provide the icing on the cake, each one screaming out just that little bit more of pure and utter self-loathing. The family are concerned.

Jealous Jack immediately screams "I think she's on drugs", but as Kelly subsequently becomes horrendously sick, barely able to walk, and vomiting on a daily basis, mum and dad's thoughts start to drift towards serious chronic illnesses such as hepatitis.

Man it must suck to have everything in the world

Kelly though, miserable and zoned out due to continually barfing, doesn't let it stop her from enjoying the hectic LA social life she's become accustomed too. She alternates hitting the town every night alongside dyke buddy Sarah, with continuing to push her family away with never ending arguments and hissy fits. God those kids need a slap...

As things reach boiling point, Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" kicks in over a sublime montage of Kelly's downward spiral, both mentally and physically, until boom...daylight finally hits and we see her being escorted off to rehab the next day. Turns out Jack was right all along, big sis has secretly been popping all sorts of nasty pills for a good while now.

While Jack's own drug problems were splattered all over papers and web sites last year, I honestly hadn't heard about Kelly's similar tussles with addiction until this, and a result this episode was quite a surprise, and dare I say, a little touching.

As well as your good old Osbournes moron-tinged humour and Ozz-centricities, it was subsequently just a damn interesting peak into junkie-ville; just what goes on exactly behind closed doors when famous celebrities sucumb to addiction and abuse. Something we often hear about in the tabloids, yet have had no real first hand look at ourselves until now.

Radio Off

"I guarantee she's got an emergency stash somewhere" -Ozzy

The stories of world famous celebs like Ben Affleck and Matthew Perry being crowned as Hollywood junkies often has a tendency to become so much larger than life. When seen first hand through the eyes of loved ones around her as we do here in The Osbournes though, it all comes straight down to Earth, and we see Kelly for what she really is; little more than a troubled young woman struggling to keep up with the pressures coming at her from all directions of her day to day life.

Or maybe she's just a spoiled bitch.

Either way, this was the first time I've ever watched reality TV and actually been deeply entertained and moved by a real story. Sure, perhaps I'm looking too deeply into a show about a family who's father can't even answer a phone properly, but I'll still stand by my original claim; this week, in its fourth and final season, The Osbournes elevated to a higher level than perhaps any of us would have expected of it.

But hey, for a reality TV show, perhaps that's not saying too much.