Each year my viewing drifts further away from film and more to the world of television. That's more than reflected in this here list, with a run down of last year's movies that even under the sub-header of "best of 2005", left me a little cold in varying degrees. Meanwhile I can happily reel off 20 kick arse TV shows that rocked hard last year.
Incidentally an honourable mention has to go to Harold & Kumar, one of the funniest and most under-rated comedies ever, which only missed out featuring here due to being released in 2004 pretty much everywhere else in the world minus England.
Alas, here we go, kicking off with my personal top 10 fave films of the year;
10. Batman Begins
 | | Did Batman Begins live up to expectations for you? |
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It's a dream project on paper; the last two Batman atrocities dissolved, with the franchise started afresh. American Psycho Christian Bail under the mask. Michael Caine as Alfred. Even ultra bad arse Memento director Christopher Nolan handling directing duties. What's not to love?
Yet despite all this going in its favour, the end product didn't quite live up to expectations for
me. I guess with those credentials backing it up, I was just hoping for something revolutionary; a different kind of summer blockbuster that we hadn't seen before. Something darker, more mature and edgier. While there's brief glimpses of such a film here, at the end of the day it's really just another Hollywood action flick to chuck on the pile. In fact, I don't even think it's the best Batman yet (give me Burton's original any day).
Still, Batman Begins is a solid effort never the less. In particular, the special effects, model work and crazy stunts impress, hinting back to the movies of yester-decade, when CGI effects didn't run (or ruin) the show as they so often do now. Such techniques create a wonderfully deep and rich universe here for bat face to do his thang in. The characterisation of Bruce Wayne and subsequent acting chops on Christian Bail certainly stand out too, with a character far superior to those showcased by Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer and - ergh - George Clooney.
For these reasons it stood out last year, but some serious scaling back of that convoluted plot would have made this a much tighter flick for me, and although artistically it blows away most of the other ludicrously budgeted flicks on this list, it's far from the most entertaining.
9. The Wedding Crashers
 | | Owen Wilson in career-best form, joined by Vince Vaughn playing...Vince Vaughn |
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Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson gate-crashing parties and hooking up with beautiful babies - does it get any better?
Admittedly, The Wedding Crashers has some issues too - in particular, its misjudged attempts at going serious on occasion, not to mention a massive drought of laughs in the third act - but at its better moments, it's simply fab fun chock-full of absolute zingers.
Seeing Vince Vaughn improvise his way through scene after scene, firing off adlibbed pearls at every opportunity is worth the price of admission alone, yet it's an all too brief cameo towards the end that solidifies it as a bit of a classic for me and mine. One in fact, that should rightly have seen the film re-titled; "How to Steal a Movie in One Scene", starring Will Ferrell.
8. Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith
 | | I'll sure miss Yoda up on the big screen |
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Even though being a Star Wars fan has had its share of tough moments over the past 10 years, something forever keeps calling me back again and again. Sith was our last chance to experience that worldwide mad-cap fever brought on by a brand new Star Wars flick, and whether you dug the end result or not, there's something to be said for that wonderful lead-in period of excitement in its own right.
I enjoyed the
heck outta Sith at the cinema, but each time I sit through it again, the flaws become more apparent, and the good bits shine that little bit less. Part of me wants to never watch it again at this point, before I start to loath the bastard.
I think as a pretty damn hardcore prequel apologist, I was willing to let a heck of a lot of probs slide with the previous two flicks, due to the ultimate fall-back argument of "Episode 3 will fix everything". After all, this was the one that really mattered wasn't it? Jar Jar, whiney Anakin, horrendous acting, blue-screen-o-rama...all that crap never really bothered me in the other flicks, 'cos I knew this one would bring it all together. And, well, I guess it does to a certain extent, but I'd be lying if said I wasn't expecting a heck of a lot more from it.
 | | It's been six years since The Phantom Menace, and we find ourselves now at the end of Star Wars in movie-form. Are you happy or sad? |
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One of Lucas' (many) problems for me is how he marketed these films up to release. Whether it be the video games, the soundtrack, the screenplay, or the movie reviews, each one was filled with varying levels of spoiler tarnished revelations, and all were stupidly released weeks (if not months) before the damn flick was. By the time the I got around to seeing the bloody thing, I pretty much knew it scene for scene. That's a massive pity, as it all puts a huge dent into the wow factor that - let's be honest - is pretty much all these movies have going for 'em.
Either way, Star Wars, as a movie series, is complete. I dug each film in its own way - some more than others - but at the same time the inner child of me is now free to grow up and try to move on.
When he gets those future cravings of immaturity though, he'll probably be looking more towards Peter Jackson for any further bouts of child-like wonder...
7. Sin City
 | | It sure is sweet to see the mainstream enthralled by one so off-beat |
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Not being a huge comic book guy, Sin City wasn't particularly on my radar prior to release. What did impress the
hell outta me when I got around to seeing it though was the beautiful art style and inventive techniques at its core.
Where Sith for instance, regularly falters in its emphasis on blue screens and fake backgrounds, Sin City kinda uses that to its advantage, with a wonderful, over the top look that takes the concept of digital film making to a truly artistic level way beyond its peers.
Yeah, the performances suffer a bit - a trait that is becoming a clear side effect of this special effect-focused digital film making - but among the odd bout of stilted acting, we see genuine brilliance from Mickey Rourke, and most surprisingly of all, Elijah Wood.
Sin City is hardly for everyone - little more than a horny teenage fantasy, bathed in cartoon violence and sexed-up females that are hard to take seriously - but for what it sets out to do; creating a living, breathing graphic novel on the big screen for pretty much the first time, it's fuckin' fantastic.
6. War of the Worlds
 | Spielberg doing what Spielberg
does best |
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Of all the summer blockbusters of 2005, War of the Worlds was by far the most solidly crafted and well executed of the lot. It's classic Spielberg "Third Encounters" territory, marrying old skool dysfunctional family dynamics against the great unknown of an extra terrestrial invasion, yet dragged into the new millennium with damn near perfect digital trickery and truly amazing set-pieces.
More to the point, the flick is genuinely scary as well, with those monosyllabic wailing sounds the Tripods blurt out prior to mass carnage going down as just about the most terrifying sound ever.
Cruise does great, playing against type as pretty much a fucking arsehole from beginning to end, but it's young Dakota Fanning who upstages the crazed scientologist at every turn...despite being a mere 11 years old.
War of the Worlds is an awesome, spectacular film, let down only by a piss poor ending that feels as if Spielberg just kinda got bored and decided to call it a day smack back in the middle of nowhere.
5. King Kong
The return of Action Jackson. This super big budget remake of the old '30s classic not only kept my attention for a whopping great 3 hours plus, but also somehow managed to give me a lump in my throat at the utterly ridiculous concept of a big fucking gorilla falling in love with a human - and more to the point, dieing for her. Other than the triple XXX rated video tapes hidden underneath my brother's bed, I can't think of
any other movies that tackle the concept of human/animal relationships so head on, let alone one that comes off so genuinely touching to boot.
 | | Conclusive proof if ever it were needed that computer effects live or die with the director who wields them |
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Much like Gollum in Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy, Weta create an all-too rare digital character with a soul in Kong, pulling off performance and nuance often overshadowing the flesh and blood actors around him. Peter Jackson absolutely nails the lovey dovey stuff in my book, but when we then see Kong unleash that awesome rage on top, he's a true fucking site to behold.
There are some very, very ambitious shots in the film though - arguably
too ambitious in fact - where the digital trickery starts to falter. Much like LOTR though, it's a film with enough character and heart to supersede these flaws, so much so that you can happily glance over the dodgy CGI and sloppy animation while staying locked deep within the story. That's a rare trait, and it's a talent only Peter Jackson seems to posses these days.
That said, I do feel like Jackson has problems with pacing in some of his movies. Kong is a three hour long flick that arguably could be two. It never particularly bored me, but it did often feel like I was watching a DVD with all the deleted scenes stuffed back in...tacked on fluff that really didn't need to be there. On top of that, many action sequences - in particular Kong vs the V-Rexes - start out great, but go on waaay too long for their own good, ending an age past their peak.
 | | The New York sequences were a highlight |
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There's also way too many deus ex machina twists, with saviours coming to the rescue out of nowhere, and as a result I wouldn't call this a timeless, classic film like I would Lord of the Rings. It is however, another kick arse Peter Jackson action movie...one I was starting to miss since our annual dose of Rings dried up.
I'm glad to see Peter riding the rollercoaster of success, busting out another fab, fun movie that kids and adults can enjoy in tandem, and I can't frickin'
wait to see what he brings to the table for the upcoming Halo flick.
As a side note, it's rather odd how much this flick differs to the Kong video game. In game form, the story essentially splits off at Skull Island into some kinda skewed tangent universe, one with all the same characters (not to mention actors) present, but transported and remixed into brand new locations and oddly different events. It's actually pretty good as far as movie tie-ins go, and worth a ganders for FPS fans in search of something a little more cinematic and original than the norm.
4. Serenity
The big screen adaptation of long-gone science fiction TV show Firefly was one of the great surprises of the year. Seeing Captain Malcolm Reynolds and company back again for another crazy space adventure after all this time was a wonderful site in and of itself, but the fact it was up on the big screen of all places made it all that more special too.
 | | I may go on and on about Serenity and Firefly, but with good reason, damn it |
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Sure, Serenity can be somewhat bewildering for newcomers to the Firefly universe, and it also borders on cheesy at one or two choice points, but I think the Star Wars prequels have just lowered the bar in the sci-fi field so damn much lately, that when a decently plotted and solidly acted action adventure movie comes along like Serenity, it's surprisingly easy to ignore its shortcomings and enjoy the
shit out of it.
And that's what I love about Serenity...it's just a big old Hollywood science fiction film that's blissfully solid in so many ways. Ways long since forgotten, in fact; it takes me back to the '80s, a time when sci-fi flicks were still mature and credible, not just some shameful film genre for no one but internet geeks. I've missed those days.
Compared to the show - which I went into excruciating detail in back in
October - the movie ups the ante hugely, much more of a huge arse rollercoaster ride than anything we saw in TV land. Beneath it all though, it still retains that emphasis on characters and relationships - the most important part of it all - and one that makes you genuinely care about our heroes among all the over-choreographed kung fu fights and CGI explosions.
If you like your space ships and your crazy arse fire fights, pulled off way more impressively than your average Hollywood shite, miss Serenity at your peril. It's easily the best action movie of the year, and pretty damn unmissable.
3. Family Guy - Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
20th Century Fox have built up quite the reputation as inhuman network execs after nothing but the next big buck, thanks to endless cancellations of arguably their greatest critical TV shows in favour of more and more reality pap. Family Guy of course headlines that list, along with the likes of Futurama, Undeclared, Firefly and what looks to be Arrested Development next.
 | Wow.
This is awkward |
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This year though, Fox did the impossible; they made amends. Resurrecting Family Guy from the ashes was the greatest gift of fan-servicing ever imaginable, but seemingly not content with just reinstating the show on air, we also got this full length - albeit straight to DVD - movie as well.
Sure, The Untold Story doesn't do anything so grand as to follow the steps of, say, the South Park movie, it's really just an extended episode of the show and little else. You could however, call this the best damn ep of Family Guy yet though, and at the very least, it represents the pinnacle of the series so far.
Along with the Griffins themselves, every Family Guy character pops up at some point - major or minor - whether it be Evil Monkey, Mayor West, Randy Newman, Greased Up Deaf Guy, or Perverted Old Man. It's a big old love-in in that regard, one conceived with the sole notion of nothing else but thanking all the fans who's endless DVD purchases resulted in the show's return.
Although a little longer than we're used to, our first and only feature length Family Guy gets endlessly better on multiple viewings, with the Thundercats skit in particular going down as possibly the greatest gag ever. Fucking genius.
2. The Aristocrats
This is actually a documentary, and a barmy off-the-wall one at that. It's also however, the funniest damn thing I saw all year.
 | | You probably don't wanna know what that gesture represents |
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"The Aristocrats" refers to a famous multiple decade-old joke, one particularly huge throughout Hollywood circles. The beauty of this joke is the fact everyone who tells it alters it to their own style. It's a long, anecdotal gag, beginning with a family entering a talent agency, and ending with the line "The aristocrats". What happens between those two lines though is where it differs from person to person...and it can be anywhere from 10 seconds to 3 hours long. Variations include the family pissing and shitting on each other to raping the family dog, but as a rule of thumb; the more extreme, the better.
This documentary talks a bit about how the joke has evolved over the decades, but far more interestingly, it interviews hundreds upon hundreds of famous comedians and gets them to recite their own version of the gag. This includes everyone from Aliens' Paul Reiser to South Park's Eric Cartman. Each one is startlingly more perverse and over the top than the last though, encompassing everything from menstrual blood, to incest to shit eating. My pick of the bunch goes to a street mime though, who tells the entire thing without muttering a word.
Although a one gag film - quite literally in this case - it's a fucking hysterical watch, yet (obviously) ain't for the feint of heart. Even my thoroughly desensitised ears were a little troubled by certain moments involving young babies towards the end...
1. Sideways
Even though it came out all the way back in January here in the UK (and even 2004 State-side I do believe), Sideways has just stuck with me like glue ever since. Mainly 'cos I watch it on DVD every damn week without fail. It's my favourite kinda film in so many ways, really; well acted, intelligently written, darkly humorous, yet hilariously juvenile at the same time. That's a rarity, man.
 | A road-trip-slash-buddy-movie
to rival the very best, Sideways is
the nuts |
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The story follows self-proclaimed hack writer Miles and his minge-addicted best buddy Jack as they travel around beautiful Californian countryside, in search of fine wine and pussy...in that order. What's impressive about Sideways though is its ability to be immensely entertaining to pretty much any type of audience.
For instance, as a wine connoisseur, Miles - played expertly by Paul Giamatti - regularly dives into endless monologues about the merits of Pinot versus Merlot, yet just when the film starts to stray towards pretension and niche, it'll casually throw in an arse fucking joke for the kids.
Thomas Haden Church completely steals the show as Jack in that regard, a washed-up actor scouring the land for one last taste of tail before he's married off the following week, and it's he who proves the real find of this film. An undiscovered talent wrapped up in a cartoony chiselled jaw and the most ridiculous voice ever.
After his 1999 classic Election - one of my fave high school movies of all-time - director Alexander Payne hit his second major homerun here in Sideways. It's not just funny as balls, but absolutely beautiful to look at too, not to mention oddly touching on top. A must-see for pretty much everyone reading this, it's the best two hours of 2005.
The Top 20 (American) TV Shows of 2005
I'll be honest, all my TV viewing these days is done over the *ahem*, internet "preview" channel. Thankfully some companies are starting to embrace the internet as a credible form of broadcast these days, with Lost, The Office and Everybody Hates Chris all seeing online (and more importantly, legal) versions available for download among others. Hopefully 2006 will show this trend continue, and thus stop turning us poor Europeans into petty criminals in an attempt to keep up with our American cousins.
Either way, there was some truly fab stuff broadcast on US TV last year. In fact, TV for me is currently at an all-time high right now, kicking major arse every week without fail. With that in mind, here are my picks of 2005...although expect some major spoilage.
20. Weeds
 | | The quirky story of a single mum turned drug dealer, Weeds comes highly recommended |
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Weeds has more than a faint whiff of the HBO about it; the same intelligent writing, outrageous language and expertly realised characters you'd expect from the Home Box Office shows are all present and correct, despite its airing on Showtime State-side. As a result, fans of The Sopranos, Six Feet Under and all their many friends will feel right at home here.
The plot revolves around Nancy Botwin, a recently widowed mother of two who resorts to selling weed in order to make ends meet. Part family drama, part high school show, part stoner comedy and part Desperate Housewives, it more than exceeds as the sum of its parts, creating a hilarious yet captivating half hour...who's only fault is its all too short length.
Kudos go out to Mary-Louise Parker for her expert portrayal of Nancy, oh so likeable and a major MILF in a somewhat tricky role that could so easily alienate in less capable hands. The true star of the show is Justin Kirk though; as Nancy's former brother in law, he's the ultimate perv, a major arsehole and a complete sex-pest rolled into one big old ball of genius. Fab.
Episode of the year: 110 - "The Godmother" - where a major fucking OMG moment reveals Nancy's new beau to be not quite the perfect match she originally thought.
19. South Park
 | How much steam is left in
the old boat? |
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I'm sad to say this was possibly the worst year for South Park yet, hence it barely making Da List at all. Even in its weakest season though, one still can't help but crack a smile at lines like; "That dolphin has my scrotum!" and "Who wants to pound my vadge??".
For all the painfully dull episodes like Free Willzyx and Trapped in the Closet though, we still enjoyed plenty of classic South Park moments last year, namely Cartman becoming a ghost, not to mention his wiping out of the ginger race. I just wonder if perhaps Matt Stone and Trey Parker's ingenious "Simpsons Did it" episode from years back is coming back to haunt them at this point...they really seem to be low on ideas.
Part of me wants to see South Park stick around forever, but with the boys having recently proven themselves just as hilariously satirical in other projects - namely Team America - one has to wonder what a brand new, fresh TV show would look like from these cats.
Episode of the year: "Marjorine" - 909 - in which Cartman discovers the girls in their class have a fortune telling device, one that can only be harnessed by dressing Butters up as a girl and sending him in to steal it during a slumber party. "If they start lezzing out, just roll with it".
18. Kitchen Confidential
 | All but dead after four measly
episodes, Kitchen was cute while it
lasted |
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Kitchen gets no love from the masses - neither critically, nor commercially - but fuck ya'll, I dig the heck out of it. The somewhat spruced-up serialisation of real-life chef Anthony Bordain's autobiography as a muff-diving, drug-addicted head chef proves immensely entertaining, and more importantly, boasts one of the best casts on the box too.
Anthony's TV alter-ego, Jack, is played brilliantly by Bradley Cooper - the guy you loved to hate in The Wedding Crashers, but it's his kitchen crew that truly impresses, made up by Harold & Kumar's John Cho, Freaks & Geeks' John Francis Dailey, and Buffy's good old Nicholas Brendon among others. If nothing else, one curses the fact so many fucking funny faces appear in one show together, as they seldom get the chance to stand out.
Kitchen's pilot was hardly awe-inspiring, but it grew into something much more entertaining in its four meagre episodes...before Fox, somewhat inevitably, pulled the plug. At this stage, the word "cancelled" hasn't been used as far as I know, but it's painfully clear that Kitchen's time is limited. Catch those final episodes before it's gone for good.
Episode of the year: 109 - "French Fight" - which actually aired forth amidst Fox' baffling TV schedule. A rival French chef wages war on Jack by stealing his recipes...and boning Mimi.
17. Star Wars - Clone Wars
2004 saw the first season of Star Wars cartoon spin-off Clone Wars hit TV and the internet simultaneously, but while I was disappointed in that first batch of episodes, 2005's additional run of five new, much more meaty eps absolutely rocked. Big time.
 | | Grievous, about as far removed from his abortive big screen incarnation as you could imagine |
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Clocking in with a heavily beefed-up running time, not to mention a much tighter focus on the core SW characters, Clone Wars finally clicked for me. Rather than the aimless, over the top, nonsensical whackness of underwater lightsabers and exploding bounty hunters made of worms, this time it concentrated on one specific element: setting up Revenge of the Sith. Basically, everything from the opening crawl of the flick, we actually got to see.
In particular it's the sequences with General Grievous that stand out, and his abduction of Palpatine followed by the most kick arse Jedi battle is the thing fanboy wet dreams are made of. The final blow from Mace Windu may have relegated Grievous into the retarded, wheezing buffoon seen in the movie, but believe me when I tell you...if you've only seen the flick, only half the story have you seen. Grievous is an absolute bad arse here.
With all the episodes stuck together into one uber sized offering - which is how they're presented on the recent DVD release - the Clone Wars second season was not only an exceptional hour long intro to the final Star Wars flick, but an awesome adventure in its own right too. At the time of typing you can even catch it for free up on the official Star Wars web site
here.
Episode of the year: "Chapter 24". Anakin experiences his own take on Luke's cave vision from Empire Strikes Back, as his entire future is laid out before him in eerie wall-etched carvings. One of the stand-out moments from everything Star Wars has ever put out.
16. My Name is Earl
Undoubtedly one of the best new shows of the year, Earl is a screwball comedy that is essentially Coen Brothers' classic Raising Arizona transported into TV form.
 | | This is Earl, a former slimebag attempting to remedy previous deeds, one fuck-up at a time |
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It follows Earl, a redneck loser who one day wins the lottery, and subsequently (to cut a long story short) decides to turn his life around. He decides to use his new found fortune to put right what once went wrong...hoping each time that his next leap...woops, wrong show. But yeah, Earl writes up a list, one containing every bad deed he's ever done, and starts methodically working his way through 'em one by one. It's a karma thing.
The setup is a fine premise for a weekly comedy, but the real reason the show works is Jason Lee, playing the titular Earl. Ever since his (major) movie debut back in Mallrats, Lee's been impressing hugely with his impeccable comic timing in everything he's been seen in. It's just a shame it's taken ten years for the world to wake up and smell the brilliance, finally rewarding him with his own TV show. Joining Lee is also fellow Mallrats alumni Ethan Suplee - now drained of half his weight and looking far less gross - playing Earl's brother and the brunt of many a joke.
Earl's still got room for improvement, but in just its first season it's made one hell of an impression so far, and really comes recommended to pretty much everyone. Good times.
Episode of the year: 108 - "Joy's Wedding". A drunk Earl adds another entry to his list after crashing his ex-wife's wedding and smacking her in the face with a football.
15. Deadwood
Deadwood on the other hand, is a damn hard show to recommend. I'll be honest, while I'm a huge fucking fan of HBO's extreme take on the wild west genre, it's a tough watch and a half, almost impossible to enjoy on a conventional level. Not only filled with horrible people and depressing examples of moral depravity, Deadwood's ridiculously complex multitude of plot points move at such a brisk pace that I'm often hard pressed to follow just one of 'em.
 | | Cast all memories of Lovejoy from your mind, Ian McShane is fucking hardcore |
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But here's the rub. For those who take the time to tap into Deadwood's depths - which I must admit took the entire run of its first season for me - there's true greatness to be found within. I'm talking Sopranos-quality brilliance. It's the western for people who hate westerns. It's the period drama where people talk far more edgier than anyone I know today. And best of all, it's the one show where the word "cocksucker" is reeled off at least 20 times per ep, making for the ultimate drinking game on top.
The villain stands out in particular, a complex, multilayered arsehole of genius played to perfection by Ian McShane. He's the ultimate TV bad guy, and a character who could well be the long lost ancestor of Sexy Beast's Don Logan on some of his better days.
In its second season last year, the tale of the Deadwood camp improved on its promising, if slow start. The introduction of more and more villains as time goes on is as perplexing as it is darkly comical, particularly when good guys appear to be dangerously thin on the ground, but the ensuing chaos as rival gangsters and murderous geologists engaged in mind-games and throat slitting resulted in a captivating tale...even if half of it went over my head.
If you like your TV spoon-fed and wrapped up neatly by hour's end, Deadwood ain't for you. If however, you want violence, gritty realism and impeccable acting, there's none better on this list.
Episode of the year: "Something Very Expensive" (206) which should really have been re-titled "Fucked-Up Hooker Bloodbath".
14. Prison Break
Prison Break feels built from the ground-up around pretty much ripping off 24. Perhaps not in plot or real-time shenanigans, but certainly in style, forever piling on the adrenaline and ending each episode with a big arse cliff-hanger that sucks you back the following week without fail. And you know what? It's bloody successful in that regard.
Where it differs is the setting. The title really gives the game away here, Prison Break tells the tale of Michael Schofield, a shy young genius who is sent down for robbing a bank. We soon learn however, that Michael purposely went down in order to join his brother on death row, where of course, he plans to bust the two of 'em out before execution day.
 | | The tale of two brothers busting out of the big house, Prison Break was the best new hour-long of 2005 |
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That's the plot, but for something so startlingly linear, it works surprisingly well in TV show form. Each episode, further progress is made in the escape, but numerous obstacles continually thwart the boys at every turn. Corrupt guards, prison riots, fellow in-mates catching onto their plan...and even the odd toe amputation. The bulk of the show is really built around this single event of them escaping prison, and thus it takes on an epic heist quality that keeps you on the edge of your seat, and most surprisingly of all, actually finds you rooting for dodgy cons, gangsters and murderers in the process.
Due to its prison setting, the show is also surprisingly edgy and violent. It's not quite Oz, but for a prime time action show on Fox of all channels, it doesn't half push some boundaries.
Sadly, in terms of acting duties, things become less impressive. The two leads in particular manage to cover the entire spectrum of over-acting and stilted woodenness between 'em, yet seldom find any sort of balance towards the middle. Saving things is good old Peter Stormare however, just as creepy as ever as a big time Mafia boss smack bang in the middle of a huge arse sentence.
Prison Break ain't quite ready to knock off 24 from its perch just yet, but for that same edgy thrill ride that makes your heart pound fast while keeping your eyes locked firmly open, it comes highly recommended. What it lacks in 24's loveable characters, it definitely makes up for in its darker tone and way more feasible plot twists.
Oh, and Dr. Tencredi? I definitely would.
Episode of the year: 106 titled "Riots, Drills & the Devil" in which a prison riot breaks out, and Michael must save the super hot doc from some major gang-raping without compromising the plan.
13. The Office
 | | A UK show adapted to US TV that doesn't suck balls? What the deuce? |
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This Americanised recreation of the BBC classic completely and utterly took me by surprise last year. It's essentially the same show on paper; embarrassingly sad boss makes life hell for an office full of regular Joes, only with Ricky Gervais swapped out with Steve Carell, otherwise known as the 40 Year Old Virgin.
Although the pilot was bordering on embarrassingly derivative - even down to using the same exact jokes of its UK forefather - when it soon stopped trying to imitate the BBC version and instead stood on its two feet, it actually turned bloody entertaining.
Jim and Pam - replacing Tim and Dawn - are exceptional, just as charming and cute together as their British counterparts were but waaay better looking in the process. It's Carell that holds the show together though, pulling off just as big a shambles of a man as Gervais, but with a refreshing American twist.
Way better than it has any right to be.
Episode of the year: Either 201 - "The Dundies" - which is just flat-out fab from beginning to end, or 204 - "The Fire" - where a fire alarm sends the entire office outside for the day. Worth a watch for Dwight's rendition of "We Didn't Start the Fire" alone.
12. Everybody Hates Chris
 | | Teenage life in da ghetto. But funny |
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Along with the above and My Name is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris is yet another stand-out half hour of comedic brilliance that debuted in 2005. Set in 1982, it's a loose recreation of Chris Rock's early years, following he and his family's life as they struggle through hard times in one of Brooklyn's seedier neighbourhoods.
The cast are great - especially former NFL player Terry Crews as Chris' overworked, money conscious dad - but Chris Rock himself proves the most entertaining, popping up every episode as narrator and talking us through the somewhat depressing experiences of his teenage-hood with a wonderfully biting tongue that consistently has ya laughing out loud at muggings and racism.
Way funnier than I'm struggling to make it sound, it's a genuine must-see.
Episode of the year: "Everybody Hates Fat Mike", number 105. Chris gets a new bike, but the friendly neighbourhood muggers think it'd be better if they "held" it for a while.
11. Scrubs
 | | Zach Braff fans could do a lot worse than check out in 2004's Garden State too |
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Ahh, Scrubs...how I do love thee. In its fourth season, the continuing tales of J.D., Elliot, Turk, and the highs and lows of their life in a hospital arguably reached its greatest peak yet. In fact, some of the earlier episodes of the season are what got me hooked on the show in the first place, forcing me to seek out every single episode I missed for some major boner stroking marathon catch-up sessions. Consider me a hardcore Scrubber right up there with the best of 'em at this point.
Scrubs is just one of those rare shows - much like Arrested Development - where everything clicks perfectly. The snappy dialogue meets a talented cast able to pull off everything from the most hilarious zingers to surprisingly touching seriousness damn near flawlessly every time. Some in fact, criticise Scrubs for drifting too far towards that serious end of the spectrum at times, but for me the show is at its best when juggling its two alter egos thusly. That juxtaposition really works in its favour, just one of the many things I love so dearly about it.
Most of all though, it's the Jay Dizzle himself which keeps me coming back. Of all the comic actors working today, I say the multi-talented Zach Braff is the best in the biz.
Episode of the year: 418, "My Roommates", where J.D. is kicked out of the apartment and roams the streets looking for somewhere to live. No better or worse than the eps that surround it, but the very first Scrubs I ever saw and the one that hooked me for life.
10. 24
24 is a fantastic concept in its own right, an entire series told in real-time over the course of a single day, but possibly the greatest thing about it is the writers' willingness to completely turn the show upside down at the drop of a hat.
 | | Still one of television's coolest cats |
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Main characters come, go, and die regularly, the world shoots forward years at a time between seasons, and the lead character has cheated on his wife, murdered suspects in cold blood, and even become a junky. At this point he's on the run from pretty much the entire world, yet Jack Bauer - and the series itself - show zero signs of slowing down any time soon.
Last year, after a lengthy time away, Jack Bauer returned in a far superior season to the one that preceded it. The underlying premise of revamping the show from the ground up with a 90% new cast kept it fresh and interesting, even if the bulk of them paled in comparison to the old faves like Tony and Palmer. Thankfully, the show found pleasing ways to tie those bad boys into the plot too, while giving them interesting and surprising new material to tackle at the same time.
While I think the OMFG brilliance of seasons one and two will never be repeated in 24, even its less impressive seasons still vomit on the dick of most shows. Be sure to catch the awesomely cool 10 minute Season Five prequel before the show's return tonight if you ain't yet.
Episode of the year: 407 (1:00pm - 2:00pm) in which a cornered Jack and Audrey call on the only person they can trust to save 'em. Bang bang bang...Almeida to the rescue!
9. Six Feet Under
 | | Still not sure how I feel about that, but it sure as shit had me blubbering like a little bitch |
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The final season of Six Feet was a mixed flood of emotion for various reasons. The show's always suckered me in and tugged on those heart strings since day one, yet this one went the furthest of them all, with one or two deaths in particular just kicking me square in the nuts.
At the same time I think last year marked the most the show's misfired, with numerous plot strands and individual episodes ringing hollow amidst the greatness. That final episode in particular had the potential to be the sweetest damn hour of TV ever, but thanks to overblown execution and Star Trek makeup, came off quite bizarre and oddly comical.
Still, I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a lump in the throat seeing the fisher's drop off the radar one by one. For all its flaws, here in season five Six Feet arguably pulled off the best denouement a series has ever had, in that it gave us unconditional closure on an epic scale.
Episode of the year: 512, the long-awaited finale - "Everybody's Waiting" - in which the series signed off for good. Every major character we spent so much time with over the preceding five years got their moment to shine and say goodbye. Wow. Now compare that to the anti-climactic endings of Carnivale or Twin Peaks...
8. Entourage
I've always been a sucker for movies and TV shows about the film business. Get Shorty, The Player and Ivan's XTC to name but a few...oh, and we can't forget Boogie Nights of course. Entourage snags the best bits from each of such flicks, but also throws in a generous dose of Swingers to boot...showcasing the L.A. lifestyle itself, just as much as the movie making side of things.
Its second season focused on pretty boy upcoming A-lister Vince struggling to keep his place at the top of the Hollywood food chain, eventually selling-out and succumbing to starring in a superhero picture against his better judgement. With James Cameron signing on board as director though, things immediately picked up for Vince...yet leave it to a lady to fuck things up at the last minute.
 | | An inside look at young Hollywood life, Entourage ain't to be missed...and it's mainly due to this man |
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The great thing about Entourage is its ability to seamlessly meld reality with make believe. With Mandy Moore showing up as Vince's love interest - playing herself no less - along with James Cameron and a hundred other real-life celebs popping up every other episode on top, you often start drifting into fly in the wall mode, taking all you see as reality. It's an exceptional idea to weave purely fictional characters into a completely real universe, and the show pulls it off pretty fucking flawlessly too.
My only gripe with season two was less concentration on Eric. He's always been my fave character of the entourage boys, and the only one to remain somewhat down to earth since the show's beginning. As the viewer, he's always been our eyes and ears into this world, with it just as crazy and bewildering to him as it to us. Sadly, with his career picking up, he was barely anywhere to be seen last year, making way for the rest of the guys to expand their various storylines with slightly more mixed results.
While the boys themselves remain pleasingly watchable despite all that, the wonderfully hilarious Jeremy Piven continues to be my primary reason for tuning in each week though. Not only was he born to play Vince's egocentric arsehole of an agent Ari, but he took it up another notch last year, breathing wonderful depth into a previously one dimensional character...and actually making you care for the bastard.
Episode of the year: 222, the self-referentially titled "The Abyss". The gang hit rock bottom as Aquaman is heart broken, Eric contemplates going his own way, and Turtle, er, actually becomes a success. Ari - prevailing from his Jerry Maguire-esque subplot - comes to the rescue though. Let's hug it out, bitch.
7. The Shield
The gritty yet powerful tales of an LA police department continued to impress in 2005, so much so that among the endless hordes of cop show seen over the years, The Shield now stands right at the top of the pile.
 | | Step aside Jack Bauer, the king has been dethroned. No one fucks with the Mackey |
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Much like 24 got a major reworking last year, The Shield similarly switched itself around too. Following on from the previous season's money train paranoia that ate up the Strike Team from within, this one began with each at their lowest of low points. Split up and working different departments, it started off badly for the boys, and of course...only got worse.
The introduction of Glenn Close though, is what really set a light under the arse of the season for me, as a surprisingly bad arse female police chief with balls. I never dug Glenn Close in pretty much anything at all before this, but hell, consider me a fan now. I just hope to see her return again this year.
Of course, one can't neglect to mention the character of Aceveda either. With his promotion out of the department, many may have wondered if David's place in this show was to continue...but dear lord, the ex-police chief/rape victim turned sexual predator's tale of dark sexual deviancy was worth tuning in for each week alone.
Most of all though, The Shield remains all about Vic Mackey himself at the end of the day. Is there a bigger bad arse on TV these days?
Episode of the year: "Tar Baby" at 405, in which Shane's hole is dug a whole lot deeper when evil doer Antoine frames him for the murder of a little girl, before angrily muttering the infamous line; "From now on, I say "Suck my dick", you say, "You want me to lick your balls, Daddy?". Brutal.
6. Battlestar Galactica
 | | Battlestar newcomers would be advised to grab the two hour prequel mini-series before diving into the show proper |
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I avoided this show like the plague when it debuted, casting it off as a cheesy Sci-Fi channel Star Trek rip-off, but on the urging of Spooky Gil, recently gave it a proper chance, and to be honest, have been completely enthralled ever since.
Battlestar is clearly in a completely different league than your typical genre show, offering fantastic writing and compelling characters rarely - if ever - seen in the sci-fi genre. Not only that, but the post-apocalyptic setting of surviving humans at war with machines provides a wonderfully dark backdrop for some surprisingly mature content in a prime time show that often shocks the hell outta me.
While Battlestar holds the usual CGI space ships dog-fighting and blowing shit up, it also covers the spectrum of alcoholism, gangrape and murder, focusing ever so tightly on our heroes in the process, warts 'n' all.
To be frank, its heritage almost lets it down. With a more subtle title that didn't hint back to its cheese-erific forefather of the 70s - which by the way it shares almost no similarities with at all - more might be willing to take a chance on Battlestar. It's easily the best genre show currently on the box, but don't just take my word for it...Ain't it Cool News just voted it best downright show right across the board.
With Firefly cancelled, in Battlestar we hope.
Episode of the year: 115 "Kobol's Last Gleaming" in which Adama orders the President arrested, and is gunned down by the last person he expected.
5. Veronica Mars
You might remember me posting mixed thoughts on Veronica Mars since it kicked off, in particular its inability to decide whether it was just a wee bit of teen mystery fluff, or a darker, more adult tale of a girl tracking down the murderer of her best friend. Whenever it drifted towards the latter, beauty appeared, but for the rest of the time, it was all a little cheesy and lame. Startlingly similar to Buffy in that regard.
 | I wish Santa came down my
chimney looking like that.
So to speak |
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In 2005 however, with season one's mind-blowing finale and the subsequent introduction of season two, all that was fixed. Veronica's become a fabulously witty high school show now, but one with more edge and bite to it than anything else you'll see aimed at this demographic. Sex? Drugs? Date-rape? A bus full o' high school kids getting blown up and careering over a cliff? That's some fucked up shit, sir.
The concept of a Californian high school show married with a murder mystery serves Veronica well, and a year in it's found a much more organic mixture of the two that works beautifully now. In particular, the dialogue continues to impress, continuously witty and sharp in a way seldom seen in
any genre, let alone this one.
We also had cameos galore in 2005, including brief appearances by Kevin Smith and Joss Whedon, both of whom elicited much of that thing they call laughter. Ever since episode one though, it remains Kristen Bell as Veronica herself who keeps the show kicking so much arse. Years from now she will be at the top of the Hollywood food chain, mark my words.
Suffer through a couple of dodgy filler episodes in season one and you'll reap wonderful rewards in Veronica Mars. I'm utterly hooked.
Episode of the year: 122 - the first season finale - titled "Leave it to Beaver". Veronica finally discovers Lilly's killer...only to find herself next on the chopping block.
4. Arrested Development
 | | Just what the heck is up with that bloody jetpack... |
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What more can you say about the zany ongoing saga of the Bluth family and their ridiculous ineptitude? The show practically defines the term "cult", with a rabid following of loyal fans who'd happily take a bullet for it, while the rest of the world look on shaking their head in bitter bemusement. I'll never understand why a show like Arrested fails to draw in a crowd though, while inane wank like Friends and - ergh - Will & Grace happily return year after year bigger than ever.
All that said, this year's barmy "for British eyes only" subplot failed miserably for me, going ridiculously over the top when the show really should have been going more mainstream and trying to draw in some new viewers to avoid cancellation. Instead, it pretty much hammered the final nails in the coffin.
Then again, the second that entire storyline resolved itself, every episode since has been pure gold. The first of this year in particular was an all-time classic, one that simultaneously poked fun at Fox' ineptitude, the ongoing channel war over who'll pick up the show, and best of all the ridiculous lows that TV shows in general have been known to sink to in order to secure new ratings. I fully expect future generations to look back at that episode as a high point of 21st century television.
In the meantime, whether Arrested lives on or not is none-too-certain at this point, but I'll be a sad, sad man if further tales of these crazies go unsung. Save Our Bluths!
Episode of the year: For 2005, it'd have to be 214 aka "The Immaculate Election". George Michael runs for student body president, but with Gob as his campaign manager it doesn't go quite according to plan...
3. Family Guy
 | | Wow, it looks like Michael Jackson's coming right at me! |
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Back from the dead, Family Guy returned better than ever in 2005. It did however, take a rather distinct turn from previous seasons. Long gone were Stewie's attempts to take over the world, replaced instead with what felt like a never ending stream of pop culture references and 80s movie skits. Call me crazy, but I fucking adore that though.
Every week Seth McFarlane and friends continue to drudge up every single classic movie and TV show from my child hood for another hilariously sick gag leaving me gasping for air. Examples include the Tusken Raider choir, a racist Doc Brown in Back to the Future, Peter crushing that crazy dragon thing from Never Ending Story, or just good old Michael Eisner ripping hearts from chests ala Temple of Doom. Too funny.
American Dad on the other hand - Family Guy's more politically charged alter ego - didn't make this list as it's been a little hit or miss so far. While it retains Seth's killer voice work and classic dialogue in its main character, the supporting cast fail to incite hilarity in the same way Family Guy does.
Here's hoping for some improvements on that side of things, but if nothing else, I'm sure Seth can sleep soundly at night knowing he's spearheading one of the greatest cartoon shows of all time in Family Guy.
Episode of the year: 506 titled "The Courtship of Stewie's Father" in which Stewie bonds with daddy over beating the crap out of Louis, while Soundwave of the Decepticons beats out Peter for employee of the month.
2. Curb Your Enthusiasm
Despite all the funny arse half hours mentioned above, Curb is my favourite comedy of the year by far. As a big fan of Jewish humour, including everyone from Billy Crystal to Woody Allen, Curb just rubs all my spots the right way.
 | | Curb Your Enthusiasm. The tale of a Jew who just can't let it go |
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By following Larry David - creator of Seinfeld - in a fictionalised version of his own life, we see a hilariously different take on Hollywood than so often painted in movies and TV shows. The glitz and glamour is long gone this time, replaced by squabbling hilarity.
90% improvised with nothing but a bare bones outline guiding the actors, Curb Your Enthusiasm is spontaneously hilarious in a way far removed from the like of Friends and other mainstream shows. Curb opts more for The Office-esque route of humour though awkwardness; half the time you're laughing a split down your johnson, the other you're cowering behind a pillow in embarrassment.
As a result it takes a few episodes to really "get" Curb, as Larry himself is so ridiculously cringe-worthy as to border on truly unlikable at first. Over time though, not only do you learn to love this crazy neurotic Jew and all his obscene outbursts...but actually start to agree with him.
Its future looks a little murky at this point - particularly in light of what happened in that final episode - but numerous sources still maintain it
will return at some point if you can believe that. I live on in hope, but highly doubt it somehow.
Episode of the year: 501 - "The Larry David Sandwich" in which Larry gets a menu item named after him at Joe's Deli - subtitled "The Larry David" - only to discover its comprised of the worst ingredients ever, and more importantly, pails in comparison to "The Ted Danson".
1. Lost
What can you say? Since discussing Lost this time last year, the tale of 40-odd plane crash victims surviving on a deserted island finally started airing in Europe, and of course has subsequently taken over the entire world.
Lost started out looking like some kinda fun yet one dimensional action movie - Jurassic Park the TV show - but almost immediately dropped the action in favour of a much slower and more methodical series about little more than...people, really.
 | | Hatches. Numbers. Others. Black smoke. What does it all mean? |
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With over half each episode taking place in flashback form, it sheds endless streams of light on the many wonderful characters trapped on the ominous island, forever adding weight and substance to the crazy goings on of the present in the process. It's a simple technique really, but it's the execution that continues to impress.
Yeah, arguably Lost plays with the viewer a little too much - almost smarmy in its ability to drop tiny little hints without any real revelations, but it says so much about these characters and the surprisingly solid acting that we continue to scour its every frame in desperate search of info relating to just what the
hell is going on.
For all its crazy, incomprehensible plot twists that make little to no sense, I'm more transfixed now than ever. Mainstream entertainment's never been this delicious.
Episode of the year: 207 - "The Other 48 Days" - where we finally find out just what the tail-end survivors of the plane have been up to all this time...
